She woke up like she did every day: slowly pulling her motorcycle helmet off, then shaking her head slowly back and forth to reveal a long, blonde ponytail. Everyone gasped. “That’s right,” she said, kicking the winning football goal before sliding into a sheer, sexy camisole under a blazer and playing as hard as she worked, “I’ve been a girl this whole time.” One of the guys, the real sexy one, shook his head in slow motion, as if to say “wh-wh-wh-whaaat?” You know the kind. His mouth was kind of open while he did it. He was totally blown away.
She walked off the field, and she knew everyone was looking at her butt, and she totally loved it. “Sorry, boys,” she called out over her super-sexy shoulder. She always called men boys, because she knew what gender was. Now she was carrying a briefcase and wearing a pencil skirt and sex glasses. She was at law.
“Your Honor,” she said, and the Honor paid attention, “I’d like to win this case,” and she totally did, she totally beat that busted-looking male lawyer who had the mushy face and wore suits that didn’t fit. She gave a little fist-pump, because even though she’s tough, she’s still relatable. “Girl power,” she said, high-fiving her curly-haired friend, who had just appeared behind her.
“Girl, you need a drink,” her curly-haired friend said, “and I need a man.” She laughed because her curly-haired friend didn’t really get it yet, but she was getting there… —
A Day in the Life of an Empowered Female Character by Mallory Ortberg
(continue reading here)
(Source: polyverse, via divination)
kfc doesn’t even have to try anymore they’re just like come get your fucking bucket of fat you piece of shit
Seeing something you “liked” on tumblr back from goodness knows when, and it still makes you snort laughing.
Feel the power
FLASHBACKS TO THE RANCID PLAY DOH SMELL OF GAK.
(Source: grrrlfever, via danielleoshots)
YOU CAN’T IMPROVE ON PERFECTION.
(Source: soundandtheflurries, via dredalous)
Yosemite Sunset by Jason’s Travel Photography on Flickr.
Tokyo Metro Network Map
JACEY THIS SCARES ME!!! HALP.
BTW guys I’m going to visit my sister Jacey in Tokyo in April.
Dinner in Jersey City courtesy of @deefunk & Kate!
A GIRL JUST LEFT HER NUMBER ON NIALL’S INSTAGRAM PICTURE GUESS WHO’S BACK IN THE GAME
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS CAT OMG I AM IN LOVE
(Source: readysteadytwat, via 10knotes)